Having an illness that outwardly affects my body as much as dystonia does is proving to be a huge lesson in humility. Slowly I have begun to realize how sinfully full of pride I have been (and still are). I often try to hide the spasms when I am around others, which of course tends to make them worse in the end. I bought a cane the other day, although I have been very hesitant to use it. Why the hesitancy? My pride gets in the way. I don't want people to look at me and wonder what the "problem" is. I want to look normal (OK, OK, stop laughing. No one with a dozen kids at home looks normal, do they?) Mostly though, I don't want my kids to worry about me.
Last night during our family time I confessed my sin of pride to the family and shared my plan for putting off that sin and replacing it with humility. I have renamed the cane - it is now a "humility stick". Everytime I use it I hope to put off my pride and put on humility. I will most likely have to do that on a daily (hourly?) basis, but I know that God will be my Rock during this time.
A good friend wrote me an encouraging email and mentioned that my "reach exceeds my grasp". I have spent a lot of time mulling that phrase over and I now see what she meant. Indeed, she was very accurate. I am continually taking on more than I can physically handle. Learning to live with Dystonia is going to mean admitting that I cannot do all of the things I want to. I need to shorten my reach and concentrate more on what I can hold in my grasp. The strength of that grasp may even change from day to day, hour to hour.
Perhaps God has given me an illness that draws the attention of others so that I can shine His light more brightly. When I am weak He is strong. I need to keep reminding myself that people are not seeing my weaknesses. Rather they are seeing the strength God has generously blessed me with to embrace His plan for my life. I fail each and every day, but God's mercies are new every morning!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
That's funny. I named my cane Bob. I was going to name it Buddy, but that is my father-in-law's nickname because he does not want to be called Omar... or Raymond (his middle name). So my pastor came up with Bob. Kinda funny that your husband is named Bob. I know all about that pride-stripping stuff. It made me feel like I was standing naked on a podium at first. Than when I got my eyes off me, I realized I was actually standing clothed in righteousness through Christ by the grace of God alone.
You wrote: "they are seeing the strength God has generously blessed me with to embrace His plan for my life. I fail each and every day, but God's mercies are new every morning!"
EXACTLY... now that brought tears. I love you, dear Sheshe and find great joy in lifting you and your family up in prayer.
His servant for HIS glory,
Lisa
Thanks, Lisa. Bob (my husband, not your cane) and I had a delightful weekend at a bed and breakfast only 45 minutes from home. Most of our kids were at a youth retreat, two of them stayed with friends from church and the other three stayed home to care for our dogs (I "paid" them with lots of junk food) and work at their newly acquired part time jobs. So, we had a nice and quiet weekend secluded in the woods. It was great. We did venture into town for some high class meals (KFC and Pizza Hut) but other than that we enjoyed each other and the quietness of it all.
Lisa! Do you call your cane "Bob" because you just keep bobbing along? Just kidding. I do so appreciate your post. You are such an inspiration to us with you deep spiritual insight.
Rebekah Said:
Are you familiar with the poem this phrase comes from? Tasha sent it to me, and I put it on my bulletin board at school to remind me at all times that I will ALWAYS want to do more than I am able to do. This is the human condition.
A creature's reach should exceed his grasp,
What else is heaven for?
Post a Comment