Theology Matters - The Doctrine of Suffering

Getting back to the theology matters subject, I have been pondering how to say something that I have seen be a constant problem with families we have counseled. The problem is that they lack any doctrine of suffering. When life becomes difficult their first response is to run away giving up on the child that they have so recently adopted. Having found that, instead of a grateful child willing to obey because of the great sacrifice these parents have made, they have been given a sinful, angry child, they respond with something similar to “God surely wouldn’t want us to be this unhappy, would he?”

As I considered this I ran across the following quote from John Piper’s The Hidden Smile of God. He says well much of what I have want to say.
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The Christian Life is Hill Difficulty

Bunyan’s life and labor call us to live like Pilgrim on the way to the Celestial City. His suffering and his story summon us, in the prosperous and pleasure-addicted West, to see Christian life in a radically different way than we ordinarily do. There is a great gulf between the Christianity that wrestles with whether to worship at the cost of imprisonment and death, and the Christianity that wrestles with whether the kids should play soccer on Sunday morning. The full title of The Pilgrim’s Progress shows the essence of the pilgrim path: “The Pilgrim’s Progress from this World, to that Which is to Come: Delivered under the Similitude of a Dream wherein Is Discovered, the Manner of His Setting out, his Dangerous Journey, and Safe Arrival at the Desired Country.” For Bunyan in fact and fiction, the Christian life is a “Dangerous Journey.”

The narrow way leads from the Wicket Gate to the Hill Difficulty.

The narrow way lay right up the hill, and the name of the going up the side of the hill is called Difficulty. Christian now went to the Spring, and drank thereof, to refresh himself (Isaiah 49:10), and then began to go up the Hill, saying,

The Hill, though high, I covet to ascend,
The Difficulty will not me offend;
For I perceive the Way to life lies here.
Come, pluck the Heart, let’s neither faint nor fear;
Better, though difficult, the Right Way go,
Than wrong, though easy, where the End is Woe

This is the Christian life for Bunyan – experienced in prison and explained in parables. But we modern, western Christians have some to see safety and ease as a right. We move away from bad neighborhood. We leave hard relationships. We don’t go to dangerous unreached people groups.

Bunyan beckons us to listen to Jesus and his apostles again. Jesus never called us to a life of safety, nor even to a fair fight. “Lambs in the midst of wolves” is the way he describes or sending (Luke 10:3). “If they have called the head of the house Beelzebul, how much more will they malign the members of his household!” (Matthew10:25). “He who loves his lifes loses it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it to life eternal” (John 12:25). “Whoever of you does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple” (Luke 14:33, RSV).

The apostle Paul continues the same call: “Through many tribulations we must enter the kingdom of God” (Acts 14:22). We are “heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him” (Romans 8:17). We should not be “moved by … afflictions ... [since] this it to be our lot” (1 Thessalonians 3:3 RSV). Faith and suffering are two great gifts of God: “To you it has been granted for Christ’s sake, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for His sake” (Philippians 1:29). The apostle Peter confirms the theme: “Do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, which comes upon you for the testing, as though some strange thing were happening to you” (1 Peter 4:12). It isn’t strange. It’s normal. That is the message of The Pilgrim’s Progress. The Hill Difficulty is the only path to heaven. There is no other. Suffering is as normal as a father disciplining a son. That is how the writer to the Hebrews describes the suffering of the saints: “God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline? But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons” (Hebrews 12:7-8). The pattern is rooted in the Old Testament itself. So the psalmist says, “Many are the afflictions of the righteous” (Psalm 34:19; see Galatians 4:29).

Oh, how we need Bunyan! We are soft and thin-skinned. We are worldly; we fit far too well into our God-ignoring culture. We are fearful and anxious and easily discouraged. We have taken our eyes off the Celestial City and the deep pleasures of knowing God and denying ourselves the lesser things that titillate for a moment but then shrink our capacities for great joy. Bunyan’s Seasonable Counsel for us is: Take up your cross daily and follow Jesus. “For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it” (Matthew 16:25).
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In light of the sufferings of those Christians who have gone before, and in the light of the sufferings of Our Savior on our behalf, O that God would grant us mercy because we do not want to suffer on the behalf of a child.

Addenda: Also check out this post on Pyromaniacs

An "I" Examination

Not long ago my ophthalmologist examined my eyes and sent me home with a prescription for glasses. Now it seems that I may need an "I" examination, also.

Yesterday, the Movement Disorder Specialist that I go to in Birmingham told me he was going to recommend me for Deep Brain Stimulation surgery for my dystonia. This totally took me by surprise, although I knew it could be an option "down the road". I am the type of person who likes to have my days and weeks nicely planned and this was NOT in my schedule (it requires a long evaluation period plus lots of medical tests prior to surgery and much afer surgery care). I also like to do my own medical research and this was not one of the options I had researched and thought he might mention. Hmmm, maybe that is why he gets the big bucks rather than me?

What were my thoughts on the way home? Mostly along the lines of, "I don't want this surgery, I don't want to have to make these trips time after time after time, I am scared to have someone drill into my head, I don't want to have my head shaved, etc." Of course there were also thoughts like, "What if they don't consider me a good candidate for this surgery, what if insurance won't cover the costs, what if the surgery does not relieve the symptoms..." Are you getting the picture here? Way too many "I's" and "what if's", right? According to my wonderfully wise mother in law, I now need an "I" examination.

The doc pretty much blindsided me with his declaration, but he was not responsible for my reaction. I was. It was not a God honoring one, either. This is one reason that I went immediately to those folks who I know would be willing to pray for me, to ask them to pray for strength and wisdom. Of course I also prayed to my Lord and Savior, as I needed much of His wonderful grace at that time. I talked to my husband, who is always willing to help me see things from a biblical perspective, and then I had a good night's sleep.

God's mercies are indeed new every morning. So, did I wake up today ready and raring to go with the evaluation process?!! Uhhh, I am afraid not. This will certainly be a journey and I pray that God will teach me along the way, allowing me to grow closer to Him with each step.

So, as I begin this new journey, I pray that God will show me how He can be glorified through me or those around me. I have to admit that at first I drew a total blank on this topic. Then, as sleep began to heal my tired body and mind, I was able to part the clouds of doubt and frustration and begin to see some ways. Here are a few that have come to mind today. First of all, I need to share my journey with others, including the joys, trials, and lessons I learn along the way. If I allow others to see my weaknesses, then God can show them His strength. (II Corin. 12:9-10)

Secondly, if I do need to shave my head I will recognize that it is the inner person which God looks at and not outward adornment (I Peter 3:3). I have decided to not cut my hair until the surgery (if indeed it is done) and then allow the kids to help me shave my hair and send it to Locks of Love. This will not be easy, but by the grace of God I could do it.

Thirdly, I will be open to God's will. That is easy to say, but can be so very hard to put into practice. What if this treatment is not chosen or does not work and then I am left with the problems I have now, perhaps multiplied many times? Oops, that was a "what if", wasn't it? God doesn't need to hear those, as He has a plan. It is a matter of me submitting to His will, whether it is pleasant and fun or not. I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.

Lastly, I can assure you that I will falter, probably on a daily basis. I will confess those faults and go on, not allowing them to deter me from following Christ. I will remove the "I's" from my vocabulary by having "I" surgery along with brain surgery. Even if the brain surgery does not happen, the "I" surgery is still essential to my health and spiritual well being. By the grace of God...

A Blessed Christmas

This has indeed been a blessed Christmas season for our family, and perhaps the last one we will all spend together (Ollie was not here, but all of the kids were).

Yesterday our pastor quoted someone who posed the question, "Where would we be without Jesus Christ?" The answers were along the lines of cultural and societal differences and they were certainly massive considerations. However, Bob posed the same question to our family, on a more personal level.

But for the love of Jesus Christ, we would probably be a family of three, with one very spoiled biological child. Not that this would be Tessa's fault, though. Rather, we would not have been good parents if we lacked the love, patience and perserverance which comes through tbe love of our Lord. We would not have adopted any children from Russia, nor from the disruptions, if the love of Jesus was not in our hearts. Without the love of Him, our lives would be lived selfishly and that would most likely not include having a dozen kids in our home!

Of course, this subject can even begin to be a selfish one, as we tend to think how not having Jesus would affect our own lives. It is because of Him that we can live to serve others and not ourselves.

On another note, this is also a season of beginnings for some in our family. One of our favorite gifts came from a daughter who has been with us for three years, yet has not been able to bring herself to call us Mom and Dad. Due to prior heart commitments she made in this area which were broken by the adults in her life, she found it very difficult to say those words that had previously broken her heart.

God has done amazing works in this child's heart recently and it has been joyous to watch and participate in. She wrote letters to Bob and I and asked that we open them last, after all of the other gifts. In these letters, she thanked us for all of the love we had given her and asked us to forgive her for not always being the best daughter in the world. She also stated that her Christmas gift to us will be to call us Mom and Dad from now on. God has given her the courage to make this commitment once again and we are eternally grateful to Him! Indeed, she came to us this morning to thank us for the stocking stuffers and her exact words were, "Thanks Mom and Dad!"

To top it all off, another child wrote us a note thanking us for our love and promising to be more forthcoming with expressions of love to us. When I hugged her and wished her a Merry Christmas this morning she returned the comment with an "I love you!" What more could a parent want than to see their children walking with the Lord?

I hope you all have a blessed and merry Christmas season!

Changes...

God is the same, yesterday, today and forever. Yet, His creation is ever changing. Just last night I stood outside, looking at some awesome clouds. There were many layers - some moving slowing, some quickly, some so low they almost touched the trees and some so high the jet stream flattened the tops. As the sun began to set, the colors on the clouds were incredible. I could not bear to take my eyes away, as they changed before my eyes. The deep pinks were my favorite, even as they were tinged in blue around the edges.

As the colors dulled, I resumed my job of pulling up Cosmos stalks whose season had ended. I would shake the dirt from their roots and then lay them all in a pile, thinking how their time of beauty was over. They served us well, growing tall and blooming in my desired hues of pinks and purples, but their time was up. Now they would become dirt, which is no less a wonderful part of God's plan.

God teaches me best when I am surrounded by His creation. As He showed me the changes that take place every second, minute, hour, day, week, and year in His handiwork, I began to think back on the teenage challenges I had faced this week. I was discouraged and sad, due to some deception I had uncovered. Changes are coming, but that is God's way.

He is our Rock - unmoving and steady. It is His way to make creatures who are continually changing, though. Perhaps change is one of His ways of teaching us. I like to be comfortable, but I have to admit that I don't learn as well in my recliner as I do in my yard, looking at clouds and pulling Cosmos stalks. To God be the glory!

Medical Update

"My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and rightousness..."

Actually, I have to confess that I have not done a good job of maintaining a steadfastness in the statement above. It is a daily struggle to not place my hope in the next bottle of medicine or doctor's appointment. I don't like having Dystonia and being a "jerk" all of the time. Whatever novelty there might have been in going from doctor to doctor for a diagnosis has long worn off (well, there wasn't much of it to start with). I continue to be thankful to God for bringing me to a good doctor who knows what my movement disorder is, though.

Yesterday I had a three month recheck with this doctor in Birmingham. The medication he gave me three months ago does not seem to have affected the spasms much at all. The side effects are bothersome (dry mouth and throat, short term memory loss, nausea, blurred vision) so I was quite happy to be taken off of it. Of course it will be replaced with a different medication for me to start once I am fully off of the old one. The two medications have a very different mechanism in how they affect the brain so it could be possible for one to help but not the other.

The doctor made it clear that IF this new medication helps it will not totally alleviate the spasms. At some level I knew that, but hearing it was kind of like a slap in the face. I am beginning to realize that I have been putting too much hope in the medications and not enough in the Lord. My goal has been to find a treatment that will take the spasms away rather than finding out how God can use me throughout this illness. Unless He chooses to bring this illness to an end, it will be with me the rest of my life. The intensity of the symptoms will likely ebb and flow, but it will probably never go away completely.

There are other medical options besides drugs, namely Botox treatments and Deep Brain Stimulation (DBS). The Botox is specific for certain areas and would probably be limited to the spasms in my head and neck, if we chose to try that treatment. DBS is like having a pacemaker in the brain and is used specifically for those with Generalized Dystonia as compared to having Dystonia in only one area of the body. I am not in a hurry to consider that as an option, since it involves surgery.

For now, I will continue to work with the medications - coming off of the old one and starting the new one. The doctor also said something that kind of surprised me. He said, "Don't go to the ER if the spasms get worse." I asked him why and he said that because the spasms are made worse by stressful situations, going to the ER is one of the worst things you can do for them. I had pretty much come to the same conclusion on my own and I told him how I currently deal with flare ups (go into a dark and quiet room and lie down, taking a Valium if necessary). He commented that this was a good way to handle it - that I should "take a chill pill." Ha! I loved that comment since I very often tell this to the kids, so I asked him if I could consider this to be an official medical term. ;-) From now on I can tell the kids that my doctor has told me to take a chill pill so, as Doctor Mom, I can tell them the same thing.

I really appreciate all of the prayers and concern many of you have blessed me with. The main challenge at this point continues to be with my legs and feet. The muscles freeze up when I walk, making me walk much slower than usual. It is a bother, but I am thankful to still have the ability to walk and drive.

I continue to be thankful for our recent Sunday School series on Biblical Contentment. Although I fail on a regular basis, these lessons will hopefully help me to regain my focus along the way.

Blessings
Ramona

Pride vs. Humility

Having an illness that outwardly affects my body as much as dystonia does is proving to be a huge lesson in humility. Slowly I have begun to realize how sinfully full of pride I have been (and still are). I often try to hide the spasms when I am around others, which of course tends to make them worse in the end. I bought a cane the other day, although I have been very hesitant to use it. Why the hesitancy? My pride gets in the way. I don't want people to look at me and wonder what the "problem" is. I want to look normal (OK, OK, stop laughing. No one with a dozen kids at home looks normal, do they?) Mostly though, I don't want my kids to worry about me.

Last night during our family time I confessed my sin of pride to the family and shared my plan for putting off that sin and replacing it with humility. I have renamed the cane - it is now a "humility stick". Everytime I use it I hope to put off my pride and put on humility. I will most likely have to do that on a daily (hourly?) basis, but I know that God will be my Rock during this time.

A good friend wrote me an encouraging email and mentioned that my "reach exceeds my grasp". I have spent a lot of time mulling that phrase over and I now see what she meant. Indeed, she was very accurate. I am continually taking on more than I can physically handle. Learning to live with Dystonia is going to mean admitting that I cannot do all of the things I want to. I need to shorten my reach and concentrate more on what I can hold in my grasp. The strength of that grasp may even change from day to day, hour to hour.

Perhaps God has given me an illness that draws the attention of others so that I can shine His light more brightly. When I am weak He is strong. I need to keep reminding myself that people are not seeing my weaknesses. Rather they are seeing the strength God has generously blessed me with to embrace His plan for my life. I fail each and every day, but God's mercies are new every morning!